So you made it through the first book! Great! Here's the latest:
#2 Close Doors
Yeah I know....you've heard this so much it's old. But it's been pounded into your head for good reason! You cannot go forward if things are left undone.
Have you ever been in the middle of Walmart and thought, "Did I turn the coffee pot off?" Your mind is in aholding pattern trying to figure it out, and you aren't enjoying or even paying all that much attention the rest of the time. And then you rush home to make sure.
Yeah, you might have been overcharged by $1 or maybe nothing happened, but if this is how you live emotionally, it costs you a lot more.
Not being present in your own life is a terrible waste of happiness. There is always a bright spot in every day, if you see it. If you are so focused on the past that you can't you are missing out on so much that life has to offer. You probably feel disappointed with your life and hopeless about it's outcome.
Most of us are unaware that we do this. It is that subconscious mind that is focusing all our energy, and our own thoughts are far from the past. In fact, most people with open doors have so many cobwebs in them, that they spend quite a bit of there thoughts on trying to forget or NOT to think of the past.
This is were "IF" kills us.
The what if's of life can really weigh us down. They always seems harmless. And they usually make us feel pretty good during the actual thought..."If I had a million dollars..."
But they can trap us there. Like being stuck in virtual reality and the rest of the world is in true color. We live and breathe, but never even 'see' another human being because we are too busy dreaming.
Dreams can be good if they motivate us to acheive something greater. But when they are what gets us through the day, they become a weight dragging us down. We start to feel even more hopeless because the dreams are so out of proportion by that point that our life seems very pale and boring next to them.
Dream. But use them as a tool to get you moving toward an obtainable goal.
Love. But love like you've never been hurt.
And that takes closing doors.
Gail's Advice In The Real World:
So you may or may not have doors to close. To know for sure pause for a moment and think about 'regrets' and 'losses' you've experienced.
Did you move through all the steps to recover from each one?
You can do these steps all in a day or over several years. But they are almost always in that order and need to be completed before a door can shut.
When you reach the point where you can look back at a loss or regrettable situation and not feel an emotion associated with it. Then you have reached contentment and that door is shut.
I personally don't believe in locking doors. Even a painful occurrence made you who you are and can be looked back on to grow or to help someone else going through a similar situation. If that door was locked you would try to avoid it, and feel like something in you shouldn't be there. You may have reached a pint where you have accepted it, but you have not learned to live with it, so you are stuck at step 4.
This is true for every loss, every hurt, and every missed opportunity you have.
And you have to go back to the ones that are still there locked up tight and go through these steps again. Either where you left off or from the first one again...before you can move on to be the happiest, healthiest, and most complete you possible.
So if you cry every time you see a white cat with green eyes because you lost your beloved pet. Work on ways to deal with that loss until you are able to see one and only remember how much you adored that pet, and no longer feel the pain of it's loss.
Of course most of our pains are much more serious in nature. And you may need to go to a counselor to help you get to that point for your life.
Make the appointment.
Make a list of what you want to move on from and close finally.
Start working toward that goal, and dream about how great that will feel when you can look back without fear, hatred, or bitterness.
Most of medical problems are linked to our emotions, so you will see that start to improve as well!
Get those doors closed. They are keeping someone or something great away from your life, and you are worth the effort it will take to move on.
Tell yourself "I'm worth it!" AND "My doors are closing!" Then make it happen.
Rule #1 Be Honest
That is perhaps the best and most difficult advice I can give you. Honesty is easily overlooked, forgotten, and under-appreciated thing we do. But it the most important.
Be honest with yourself first!
We are all guilty of taking on too much and finding ourselves wishing we hadn't later when it is too late. But those of us that find ourselves here permanently are not only lying to themselves, they are out of touch with who they are!
Why? Because their entire existence has been one long string of lies. When you lie to yourself constantly it becomes second nature. You no longer ignore that inner voice, you don't even hear it. You suffer the consequences, so you let it slide...because quite honestly those that lie to themselves that much just don't feel good about themselves period.
It starts as a defense mechanism to cope..."I'm fine, really, that's just a flesh wound, no no I don't need to have you here with me, it's ok, I'll be fine..."and on and on until you start to believe it. You feel better .... for awhile
Then you find yourself empty inside and start to self medicate. Either with food, meds, alcohol or whores, or whatever your mind tells you will numb the pain. (those are just the most common, not at all the complete list)
It all started because you were dishonest with your self and probably because your self value was destroyed. To get that back you have to start being honest. With yourself, and Everyone else too!
So Rule #1 is:
Start today, and don't stop. It will feel wierd...you'll start getting the tingles of that inner voice back, and then you'll feel selfish...but don't stop. Just keep on being honest! You won't be the most popular, but you'll start to heal finally.
GAIL'S ADVICE - The Real World -
The rule in action...
An example of this is: You bang your head b/c you are in a hurry and didn't close the cabinet door. Your head hurts! You take a tylenol and lie down. You wake up feeling better and as you go to get a drink you bang your head again...you weren't looking. You didn't take the time to close that door. Damn. No tylenol this time, so you let it ache and try to ignore it. But now you are throbbing and as you stumble into the bathroom you stump your big toe. "SOB" you say and throw up your hands and go back to what you were doing.
Your pains eventually go away. You feel better. You've forgotten all about that and the next day you see the door is still hanging open on the cabinet. So you close it right?
You let yourself heal, you took action to treat and you took care of the problem. So do that in your personal life too!
Rule #1 Be Honest
Start by telling people what you REALLY think! Be bold and daring. It will feel wierd awesome and even naughty. You might have to use the edited version at work, but you get the idea.
When someone asks Hey do you like this shirt, and it's hideous...say hmm no, but I'm not the one who has to wear it. Or when someone asks, "How are you today?" Try saying, better than yesterday, but only if it's true. If you are worse than the previous day, say something like not so hot today, but maybe tomorrow will be better.
Stupid? It may seem that way. But you are enforcing positive ideas that are needed to get out of this funk!! AND being honest at the same time.
That goes for eveything...
So it's the end of the month and bill collectors want to be your best friend no doubt. Calling you several times a day. When you can, answer them. Tell them you have no idea when you can pay, tell them whatever is true. Ask them if they offer any help, assistance, discounts or plans. Write it down. Make an arrangement you can actually manage. If you don't know, then just say that.
Avoidance only makes things worse...just be honest. They might still call, they might erase fees, they may even have a program that will help.
You have to ask though.
Start being honest all the time. If you don't want to do something don't say maybe, say no.
Make it a habit and start right away.
OK, so I know that was a lot...there will be more the next day and the next...
so be ready! And you don't have to read them. It's there to help, if it doesn't throw it out. And that goes for any advice you get.
They say you should plan to be negative in a business for the first year or so. What? How do people start at all if you are going to be upside down for that long?
I guess it's not so much different than buying a new car. As soon as you get your business off the ground, you already have more in it than it is worth. The biggest difference is that a business can grow and earn value.
I am doing everything possible to keep my costs down, so I will gain profit. Otherwise, I won't be able to support my art or hobby. As of now, I have a dotcom site, and business cards ordered. I have several different ACEO cards for sale in three different places, and I am only out $90.
Not too shabby! I think I have the nack for this frugal business start plan!
It is finished and now I can start creating the art that will fill it! I am so excited to have my dotcom site! And I hope it brings me some customers!!
Comment here about what you think about the site, and let me know what I can do to make it better.
I have always loved working with computers, part of my generation I'm told...
I chose to put art aside as a hobby and pursue a career in medicine. And now that I have suffered physically and mentally from working in a fast paced and aggressive job, where they eat their young and leave you to fend for yourself, I am returning once again to what made me feel alive.
Funny how having a family can make you see things differently. I mean, I live for my kids, and love my husband more than words, but I didn't feel complete. I was giving up something and didn't know how to correct that sense of loss.
I am not the biggest Oprah fan, but I watch her show occasionally...she had a series on finding what you are supposed to be doing. I asked myself what made me feel passionate, and it was always art, but especially the digital kind.
With one baby crawling everywhere, a new (yet tiny) adopted dog vying for my affection and a 2.5 year old playing ring master, my day is very full. I am always laughing at the antics in my own home, and rarely need the TV for entertainment. I started gaming online for a way to have 'adult' conversations and feel connected to 'big' people again, even if only virtual.
This led to creating my first flash point website, and I was hooked! I loved playing the game, but the website was where my passion was hidden. Creating something virtually and seeing it used and appreciated daily, that was very rewarding! And I accomplished that without leaving the house, or even bothering with a pinstripe suit.
Needless to say, I am very pleased with my first website, which I gave to the gamers, and have started several since. I hope to be doing that for all kinds of people, groups, and businesses for a long time to come!